Ohh, look at our deputy sheriff,
sleeping like a baby.
Let him be.
I wouldn't think of disturbing him.
Oh, aunt bee, have you got
any lipstick in your purse?
Yes, why?
Oh, could I borrow it?
Well, what do you want it for?
Oh, nothing, just let me borrow it.
Tsk.
Hey, Barney, Barney, Barney, Barney.
Huh, what, what?
I believe Joe waters has got his truck parked
a little too close to that fire hydrant.
Are you going to tell him to move?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll tell him.
Hey, Joe.
You got your truck right here to that fire hydrant.
Move it out of here.
Sure, Barney, sure.
Hey, Barney!
Mwah!
What's with that Joe waters?
Why?
He just threw me a kiss.
Well, I don't blame him, Barney...
With that lipstick all over your face,
you do look kind of sweet.
Oh, boy, you're just full of fun today,
aren't you?
Why don't we go up to the old people's home
and wax the steps?
Well, I'll be dogged. Howdy, Bert!
Hi, Andy.
Bert, I ain't seen you in a while.
How you been?
Yeah, I don't know, I'm middlin', middlin.
Yeah, my feet have been troubling me a lot lately
and I got the bursitis in my shoulder
from carrying that suitcase around.
Got so I can't stand the sound of them doorbells.
But I'm middlin', middlin'.
That's a good way to be, middlin'.
You know, Andy... Hi, Bert! How are you?
Middlin'.
He's middlin'. He's middlin'.
What are you selling, these days, Bert,
anything?
Oh, this and that.
Like what?
Well, first, one thing, then another.
Well, what's in the suitcase?
Different things.
For Pete's sake, Bert, open it up!
We might buy something off of you.
Oh, you probably don't need nothing, no way,
and I don't want to appear pushy.
Nobody will ever accuse you of that, Bert.
Now, what's in the suitcase?
Show us.
Oh, well, all right. Ah! See?
That's what I mean about that bursitis in my shoulder.
Telling Andy... from lifting this suitcase.
Shame.
My feet been troubling me a lot lately, too.
Tell him about the doorbells, Bert.
Ringing those doorbells, driving me crazy.
Well, just like I told you, fellas...
A little bit of this and a little bit of that
and the next thing,
and that's about the while kit 'n' kaboodle.
Well, let us look in there one time, Bert.
You got any razor blades?
Razor blades? Yeah. Why?
Well, I'd like to buy some.
Are you sure? I mean, don't buy them unless'n you need them.
I'm sure, I'm sure.
Well, now, look, Andy,
if it's a shave you want, I'll lend you my razor.
No, Bert.
Well, it don't look to me like you need a shave.
Bert, I'd like to get some blades.
Well, all right, all right.
Just don't want to push myself on you.
You got any socks, Bert?
Socks?
Size 10 1/2.
Yeah, but I'm going to give you a size 11.
They're just as cheap and they wear a little bit longer.
It could be you're still growing.
That's good, Bert.
Yeah, I heard that from a feller in Raleigh.
Well, hello, there, Bert.
Oh. Oh, hi, aunt bee.
You haven't been by our house lately.
Well, no, ma'am... I was telling
the fellas here, I have trouble with my feet lately.
Tell her about your bursitis.
Yeah, and the doorbells bother him, too.
Those doorbells are driving me crazy.
Oh, well, I'm sorry.
What have you got in your suitcase?
First, one thing, and then another.
What about different things?
I forgot. And a whole lot of this 'n' that.
Oh,I don't know, I think aunt bee
would like one thing and another.
Hard to tell... either that or different things.
Yeah. What are you talking about?
Now, look here, aunt bee, it's either
going to be socks, razor blades,
or first, one thing, and then another.
Now, we ain't got time to stand around here
while you make up your mind... we're busy.
I want an apron.
You want an apron, you get an apron.
All you have to do is speak up.
Where are they? Under the spoons.
There's your apron. And here's a pair of socks.
Socks? What does she want with socks?
She's got some real long garters.
Oh, stop it!
87 cents.
Well, you pay for it, Andy.
You see to it that you come by our house.
Bye, boys! Bye, aunt bee.
Ooh! Watch the hat.
Don't want to squash the hat.
No, with the bursitis and the sore feet,
we don't want to give him a head cold.
Is that all the high sheriff got to do, just set?
Well, howdy, Ben. Is there something I ought to be doing?
Yeah, you ought to be tending to your job, is what.
Huh? Come on over here.
You know they don't allow peddling
on the streets of mayberry, why don't you stop him?
Bert? Oh, he ain't really peddling.
Well, it sure looks like it to me.
What if he is, Ben?
Now, look,
I'm a legitimate, taxpaying merchant
and I say get him off the street.
Oh, he'll be moving along pretty soon.
Anything else?
No, there's nothing more.
Just stop him selling on the street.
If you want to keep on being sheriff,
get him off the street.
Well, of all the gall!
Why'd you let him talk to you like that, Andy?
I sure wouldn't.
You wouldn't?
No. You know what I would've said,
if he'd have jumped on me like that?
What?
I would've said, "who died and left you the boss?"
"Why don't you go set in the grocery store,
so we can all know you're the big cheese?"
"Know you're the big cheese," huh?
That's good.
Hey, uh... hey, Barn?
We ain't got much to do,
right here in the middle of the week, have we?
No.
Want to have some fun?
How?
Let's pick at old Ben a little bit.
He says he don't want Bert selling on the street.
Let's move that bench over here
in the vacant lot and put Bert's suitcase on it
and set him up a little temporary store, huh?
Yeah, let's do that.
Hey, Bert? Say, your feet been bothering you?
And your shoulders are hurting you.
And the doorbells bother you.
Oh, you know, I can't stand them doorbells.
Well, I believe we got a cure for that.
Huh?
Why don't you move your suitcase over here
to crowley's vacant lot and set you up a little temporary store?
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Well, why not?
Well, folks might get the idea I was being pushy.
Why would they do that?
All you'd be doing would be settin' and sellin'.
No walking, no carrying the suitcase,
no ringing doorbells... Don't that sound good?
Yeah, it does.
Well, do it, then!
Well, now, are you sure that they won't suspect
I was being pushy? I'm sure.
If there's anything I hate, it's a pushy salesman.
I know. Come on.
Get the end there. Okay, got it?
♪ You get a line and I'll get a pole, my honey ♪
♪ You get a line and I'll get a pole, my babe ♪
♪ You get a line and I'll get a pole ♪
♪ And we'll go down to the crawdad hole ♪
♪ Honey, baby, mine
♪ what you gonna do when the well runs dry, my honey? ♪
♪ What you gonna do when the well runs dry, my babe? ♪
♪ What you gonna do when the well runs dry ♪
♪ Set on the bank and cry, cry, cry ♪
♪ Honey, baby, mine? ♪ Yeah, yeah?
Andy, here comes Ben. I think we got to him.
Oh, good. Hey, let's be singing.
"Sunshine."
♪ spread a little sunshine every day ♪
♪ Spread a little sunshine every day ♪
♪ Help someone along...
Sheriff, I want... wait.
♪ Help someone along life's way ♪
♪ Spread a little sunshine every day ♪♪
Ain't that purdy?
I didn't come here for a concert.
I come here with a complaint, sheriff.
Well, what would that be, Ben?
Oh, you know what it is.
I told you I didn't want that drummer peddling in the street.
Oh, Bert? Oh, Bert ain't on the street.
He's on crowley's vacant lot... I'd say that's a good
7, 8 feet off the street, wouldn't you, Barn?
Oh, you know what I'm talking about.
Besides, the law says that a business establishment
is not a business unless it's got a roof over.
Now, what Bert Miller's doing is against the law.
He's peddling in the street.
Now, you do something about it!
Now, Ben, you're getting yourself all worked up
over nothing... now, just listen to this song.
Like they say,
"music hath charms to soothe the savage beast."
♪ help someone along life's way ♪
♪ Spread a little sunshine every day ♪
Ain't that pretty?
Ahh!
We got him going good.
Hey, you know, Ben's right, though.
You mean about getting Bert off the street?
No, about a roof... A business establishment
ain't a business unless it's got a roof.
You got an idea?
Yeah, and it'll make Ben so happy. Come on.
Sheriff!
Oh, howdy, Ben. Well, what's the matter?
You look like you're about to have a spell.
You think you're pretty smart, don't you, sheriff?
What are you talking about, Ben?
You know doggone well what I'm talking about!
Bert Miller, selling on the street.
He's still at it!
Ben, you said a business ain't a business
unless it's got a roof on it.
Well, he's got one.
I'd say that's a roof. Wouldn't you, Barney?
Well, yeah, I'd say that.
I didn't ask you!
Now, Ben, if that's a roof,
the man's got a legitimate business.
I'll see you.
Yeah, but...
Now, look here, sheriff...
That is not a legitimate roof.
Just a minute, sheriff.
Oh, howdy, Ben. You looking for us?
By "roof," I mean a proper structure.
A bench and an umbrella is not a proper structure.
Well, I'd say a bench and umbrella
is a proper structure, wouldn't you, Barn?
It certainly looks to me...
I am talking to the sheriff.
Now, look here, sheriff,
I've been running a store in this town
for going on 25 years
and I ain't about to let any fly-by-night peddler
take the play away from that store, you understand?
Now, Ben, you don't honestly believe
that Bert Miller is any competition to you?
All he's selling...
I'm talking to the sheriff!
Hey, you seem to be mighty interested
in trying to help this fellow out
well, because of a saying you might've heard of, Ben...
"live and let live."
Now, the man is just trying to make an honest living
and he ain't taking nary a bit of business away
from you, and you know it.
That's certainly the way I feel about the whole...
You stay out of this!
Just the same, I'm telling you, for the last time...
You get that man off the street! You hear?
I'm giving you a warning! I want it stopped.
And you better see to it
because I can get it done and you know it.
You really want to get Ben going?
Yeah. How?
Let's build him a structure.
I know where we can get some lumber
and I'll call Raleigh and get some merchandise
sent down on consignment.
Oh, we'll build Bert one outstanding selling place.
We'll build him a selling place
that looks like a selling place, huh?
Oh, that's great.
You don't think I'm getting too pushy, do you?
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a pushy sheriff.
You character. Come on.
That ought to make Ben happy.
He said he needed a proper structure.
Bert's got a proper structure.
Oh, hi, there, miss Palmer. How's Doug?
Oh, he's fine, Bert, fine.
This is a real nice scarf, Bert
well, I tell you, Mrs. Palmer, I'd be
right glad to sell it to you if you think you need it.
Of course I need it.
Well, I mean, I don't want to force nothing on you,
you know... if you think you really need it...
I need it.
Yeah. And really like it.
I like it. I love it, Bert.
Yeah, well,
if you get it home and start hating it,
you bring it back, you hear?
I will.
You do that.
I don't care for it much, myself.
I'll get you a fancy box.
Well, howdy, Bert.
Howdy, Mrs. Mason. How's it going?
Oh, everything's going fine, Andy, just fine.
Thanks to you.
Oh, don't you mention it.
I tell you, it beats tramping around,
lugging a suitcase and ringing them doorbells.
Good.
Yeah, oh, this is all right.
I want these cups, Bert
six of them?
Uh-huh. How much are they?
Oh, you don't need six of them.
Oh, yes, I do. I can use them.
All six of them?
Well, the children keep breaking them.
Well, why don't you take three of them
and a tube of glue?
Did it ever occur to you that that Bert
ain't exactly what you might call a crackerjack salesman?
Yeah. It don't matter, though.
Folks will buy from Bert because they like him.
That's as good as being a crackerjack, ain't it?
Yeah.
I want all six.
Well, all right... I just don't want
to push nothing on nobody.
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
Here he comes. Here he comes.
What is this?! What is...
What is this?!
Well, Ben, what in the world are you complaining about now?
You said the man needed a roof, he got a roof.
You said he needed a proper structure,
he's got hisself a proper structure.
What else, Ben?
All right. All right.
I tried to get you to stop him,
I gave you the proper reasons
and I tried t be nice about it...
Oh, you've been nice. You've been nice.
Hasn't he been nice, Barney?
Oh, he's been a real sweetheart.
He sure has.
Would you say he was nicer
about the stand than the umbrella
or was he nicer about the umbrella than the stand?
Oh, I don't know.
I'd say he was nicer about the stand.
Because it's bigger.
Ben, you know you're smart, you're smart
to make people believe
that you're a skinflint and a mean, old tightwad.
Because if they ever found out
how sweet and kind you really are,
they'd take advantage of you.
You'll be sorry.
Hi, pa.
Oh, hi, ope.
You sure are uptown late. How come?
I've been over at Weaver's, shopping.
What, at where?
At Weaver's.
Well, I got two questions.
Now, that's the second one first.
What'd you use for money?
I didn't need any money. He's giving stuff away.
That takes care of my first question, too.
Now, what's this about Weaver giving stuff away?
It ain't just stuff, pa.
It's valuable.
I'll show you.
See? Balloons.
And gum.
Every kid in town's over there.
Mr. Weaver's sure doing a lot of business.
With young'uns?
Mnh-mnh, with their folks.
He's giving stuff to their folks?
Not exactly, but I heard them say
Mr. Weaver sure is selling things cheap.
Selling things cheap, huh?
Did you notice if anybody was
over at Bert Miller's stand?
I couldn't say I'm sure.
Never mind. I'll be back in a minute.
Howdy, Bert.
Oh, hi, Andy. Things are a little quiet today.
Yeah, I expect so.
Yeah, well, folks bought a lot of stuff yesterday.
Ought to last them for a good long while.
That's why I figure it's kind of slow today.
Don't you reckon?
Well, Bert, the fact is,
you're being squeezed out of business.
What, Andy?
Ben Weaver is selling stuff a whole lot cheaper
over at his store than you can,
so folks are buying from him.
Oh.
Uh... Bert, uh...
Maybe there's something you ought to know.
See, this...
This whole thing started as a joke.
I was trying to irritate Ben a little bit
and, well, I guess it got out of hand.
I'm sorry about that.
Oh, gee, that's all right, Andy.
It don't matter at all, see, I never expected
to stay in this spot too long, no how,
just long enough to kind of rest my feet for a while,
get over the bursitis in my shoulder,
and, you know, get away from
them ringing doorbells for a while.
Ahem, well, we...
We did get one thing done, though.
We got old Ben Weaver to sell things
a little bit cheaper.
We did that.
Well, I'll get Jim Stevens.
He runs the department store over at mount pilot
and he owes me a favor.
I'll get him to loan me one of his trucks
and we'll get this stuff back to Raleigh.
Oh, yeah, Andy, that's a good idea,
get the trucks, see, and I'll get this stuff
all packed up here, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Mean old buzzard.
What did it hurt him, having Bert run
his little old stand there?
Well, we've been all through that.
Uh-oh, looks like we're going to have company.
Here comes Ben.
He probably wants to crow a little.
What this Stevens truck doing here?
Well, Ben, if you have to know...
Jim Stevens has just been itching to open a store
in mayberry... Now what's going on, Andy?
Well...
Did Stevens make some kind of a deal with Bert?
It ain't fair, Andy. It just ain't fair!
What?
I didn't think you'd go this far, Andy.
I've been in business here in mayberry for 25 years.
Now, you're letting an outsider in.
No, Mr. Weaver!
Ben, we didn't know you was that interested.
Come on, Barney, we got a lot of work to do.
Let's get this shipment unloaded.
Andy, we just...
Let's get the shipment unloaded.
Oh. Oh, yeah!
Yeah, let's get it unloaded.
Now, look here...
Are you just going to stand by
and let Stevens get a toehold on mayberry?
Wait a minute, where's your loyalty
to the citizens of your own hometown?
Well, Ben, you should've said something.
I didn't know you wanted to build another store here.
I don't want to start another store here.
I just don't want Stevens in.
Now, you can do something about that.
Well, yeah, I guess I could,
but what happens to Bert?
Well, if Stevens can set him up,
I reckon I can, too.
He can go to work in my store.
Well, I'll have to ask him.
Bert, how'd you like to go to work for Ben Weaver?
What?
No more walking, no carrying a suitcase,
no ringing doorbells, just a nice job in a store.
You said you liked it.
Yeah. Well, it sounds fine and all and...
Well, yeah, I'd be glad to, if you think he needs me.
I mean, if he really needs me.
Oh, just a minute.
Uh...
He said that he might go to work for you,
but he is wondering something...
He is wondering who needed him more,
Stevens or...?
Oh, for...
I'll pay him as much as Stevens would give him,
and more than that.
Just a minute.
He needs you, Bert. He needs you.
Oh! That's fine... I can start anytime,
as soon as I get this merchandise returned
and kind of clean up around here a little.
Uh, wait. Wait just a minute.
Uh, he'll come to work for you, on one condition.
What's that?
That you buy out his stand, lock, stock, and barrel,
and move it off the lot.
I've got no use for that stand.
Well, somebody else might have.
I guess I just bought myself a stand... okay.
When can you go to work?
Tomorrow morning, Mr. Weaver.
I hope you're going to like the way I do my job.
I can sell,
but I just don't push myself on anybody.
I'll tell you one thing...
You're getting the best salesman in mayberry.
Unh-unh, second-best.
Huh? Who's the best?
You ought to know... You're working for him.
Oh, howdy, Ben. How is everything?
How's Bert working out at the old store?
Oh, he's all right.
You know, the main thing I was interested in was
seeing that lot get cleaned up.
Keeping a new business from starting up in there.
It wouldn't look good, you know.
Oh, about that, Ben,
I'm afraid I got some bad news.
Huh?
Did you pass the lot on the way over here?
Well, you ought to seen it.
I'm afraid there a new business over there.
What?!
Now, wait a minute, Ben.
No, you wait a minute!
You promised me that you'd keep that lot clean.
Now, you're going back on your promise.
You ain't dealing fair, sheriff.
Now, Ben, the least you could do is
to go talk with the fella.
Have a look at his place and talk to him.
I don't want to talk to anybody!
Now, Ben, this new fella just started his business
this morning... He's a nice fella.
Now, if you won't talk to him...
I'm not buying out any more businesses
and I quit hiring any more salesmen!
You've got to get him out of here, Andy, do you hear?
Now, Ben, just...
You can't do this to me!
You and me made a deal.
Now, you want to double-cross me
by setting up another business!
I tell you, I w... I...